I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
