Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
