If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
