I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
