I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
