I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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