if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize