I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
