Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You have to summon your inner elephant
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
