1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
