its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
