i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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