i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
