@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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