If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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