i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize