Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
