You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
