What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this boner is exhausting
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
