its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There r osticjed everywhere
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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