Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
