yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
