i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
