so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
