she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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