I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
