He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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