6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
