i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
