Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
