Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
worst night to have a conscience
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
