I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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