dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
