Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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