can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
