Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
