I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
