I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize