Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
