i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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