Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
