he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
