currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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