just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
