some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize