So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
