When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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