He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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