my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
