im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
