Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
