At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize