No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
