At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize