i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
