You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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