are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
