Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
