i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
