I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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