We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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