Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
