apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
