I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
