My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
