it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
