I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
