Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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