Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You're like the curious george of whores
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
