awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
