I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
