haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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